Dear Carissa,

It's been a while since I last posted, and the reason is that I am scared to write what I've been thinking of writing. I wrote a letter to my daughter a few weeks ago in my journal and I decided I wanted to write it in my blog for all of you to see. It's just that I'm scared for everyone else to see it. Will you judge me? (the hyphens are unique to my journal writing, I really do know how to use the comma and the period)

Dear Carissa,
I had a thought today-you are who you are-even now. Your eyes, your skin, your hair-they are all uniquely yours-I have no control over any of it. Your mannerisms-the way you don't care for pears but you love squash-what you laugh at-what you think is funny-the way you get up at 4 am-or all night long. That's YOU. Take it or leave it-that is who you are. I can't control that-any of it. I can't hate you for it. I will love you any way. You are my unique baby girl and I will love you for you and not begrudge you your differences. I'm sorry that that's what I've done. I've hated your differences-all the things that make you unique I've labeled as difficult and unworthy. Yes-some things are difficult-like not sleeping through the night-but that does not make up all of who you are-that does not make you unlovable.

Give me courage, dear Lord, to respect Carissa's differences and uniqueness. Give me a big love for all of her.