Gratitude

Ok, Filoli, I just read your friends referral blog, which was wonderously wonderful, and now I feel like a total jerk. Yes, that is an ANT, Shane, but that's beside the point. I've had this amazing baby for almost a whole year. I got to feel her every flip and flop in my belly, got to hear her first cry, see her first smile, hear her first laugh, and have gotten to spend almost every moment of her entire life with her. And what have I done? Complained!!! Ok, maybe not entirely. But I have done quite a bit of whining about her fussiness, the loss of freedom, the loss of being soley with my husband, loss, loss, loss! But I have GAINED this incredible human being! and been entirely ungrateful. Filoli, you especially must think I'm a big jerk, sorry. Your friend is over the moon in love with this little person she hasn't even met yet! What incredible love! But in reality: what incredible work. Ok, I'm not complaining, just being realistic. Sometimes we forget what little miracles we are entrusted with everyday and we just go through the motions. Diapers, feedings, crying, crying, crying, what do you want!!!!! But then, there it is! I'm over the moon again because she is laughing hysterically at her papa licking the oatmeal cookie covered egg beater thing.

Family Picture

Ten and a half months old and growing!

Thought I'd just do a quick update on Carissa. It seems like all of a sudden she has accomplished some things she's been working on for quite a while. She said Papa today! For a while now she's been working on whispering the soft little pa sound. But this morning Shane and I were in the kitchen, he had just gotten home, I was drinking my coffee and Carissa was in the playpen watching from afar. "Papa!" Just like that. Shane and I look at each other and smile and gasp, then he goes over there and bends down and she says, "Paaaaaaaa," and holds up her arms for him to pick her up. It was soooooo cute. I'm so glad I saw that. He melted. She can stand! With my help, of course. I was even having her try to pull up on the table today. She doesn't really enjoy standing, but it's coming along. She says, "ball ball ball ball ball," when she's playing with a ball. When the ball rolls away from her she can lean over and instead of grabbing it, which she has learned makes it roll away from her, she cups her hand around it and bats it toward herself with her fingers. She knows how to watch t.v. now. I know, not a real milestone, but still. I thought it was interesting that when she was younger she would totally ignore the t.v., but now she knows there are some fun things to watch on it. She eats most of her food with her fingers now, although she's pretty darn picky. I feel like I'm feeding her the same thing for breakfast, lunch and dinner. At least it's pretty healthy food. Peekaboo is still her favorite game ever. She gets a real kick out of hiding under a blanket. Sometimes she'll just hang out under there for a while. What is she waiting for, I wonder. I guess she's just intrigued. This week she has learned how to get from her belly to a sitting position, a HUGE accomplishment, I think. And, this week we started to "discipline" her. I know, it's time already. When she is getting ready to throw food on the floor I say a warning, "ummmmmmmm!" Then when she throws it I say, "uh-oh!" and pick her up and put her in a room alone for about a minute. She doesn't seem to get that this is supposed to be a punishment! Well, it's good practice for me. I'm learning that the baby is smart and can be trained when she does something that is unacceptable. This morning I gave her that warning, "ummmmmm!" and she put the grahm cracker back on her tray and shook her head no! Wow, maybe it is working!! I think she is signing back to me, too. I've been trying to teach her, "all finished," when she is finished eating (cakes are done, people are finished). Today I really think she signed back, even though she really wasn't finished eating. Carissa's world just keeps getting bigger and bigger. Completely amazing.

Perspective

I took a tour of all of Carissa's baby pictures today.....amazing. It's amazing how much she has grown, how beautiful she has become, how much of her own person she is becoming, and how much I love her. Just looking at each of her pictures, even if I was troubled when I started, my heart has softened as I have finished. It is so unexplainable. I don't even like her sometimes!! She can be a brat, a hellion, a demanding, selfish----baby! But she's mine, and she is incredible. I've realized this week how much I struggle with certain things, how I know I struggle with them, but I can't help but be this person I don't want to be. I pray I can keep growing and becoming more beautiful, to grow out of my demanding, selfish babyness. I've never pretended that I have it all together, that I am perfect. I'll never hide the fact that I will always need help. There is so much more out there, and in me.

A New Run

It's the new year, it's time to switch things up a bit. Carissa and I are off to Evergreen, CO tomorrow morning in the hopes of hunting down a lovely bit of wilderness to run in. I'm imagining pine trees, rolling hills, views of Denver, hard-packed trails......we'll see if it turns out that way. I'll take pictures!

Like Mother, Like Grandmother

This dress that Carissa is wearing is a very special dress. Both me and my mom wore this dress when we were babies and took black and white pictures in it. That means this dress is fifty years old! I will have to get my mom to send me copies of those special black and whites.

Christmas 2008

Here are just a few picture highlights from Carissa's first Christmas.